ANTONIO PESSOA - AMSTERDAM
Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - the New Wave - Antonio
Pessoa visits Amsterdam for the first time at the age
of fifteen. The first impact if not love at first sight,
at least shakes him up just enough for the enthusiastic
youngster start making serious plans relating this city
to his near coming futur. And as it couldn't be otherwise
Antonio Pessoa settles down in Amsterdam two years later
at the age of seventeen. Making a decent living out
of playing the piano in pubs and clubs either solo or
with a band, the young man can actually afford enough
finantial stableness in order to feel at home, tasting
the delicious flavour of freedom, discovery, easy going
life but most important of all his first serious contact
with fine arts apprenticeship. For almost eight years
Amsterdam is going to be his headquarters, his home
sweet home, his divine inspiration, his soul city, his
social circle, his love and his friends, in this city
that never sleeps the youngster becomes a young man
and the young man becomes an adult. Here, Antonio Pessoa
finds himself, his inner intimate nature, Amsterdam
is going to have a powerful influence in his imagination
and an absolute omnipresence in his character and personality,
self-development, heart and soul, for the years to come.
Amsterdam in the early 80's is one of the most exciting
and lively cities in the world, an interesting and amazing
super cosmopolitan gathering place where music flows
from every window, from every bar and pub, where Art
seems to be everywhere, a multiracial society sharing
the same universe onward, the same New Wave atmosphere,
where the 60's, 70's and 80's cultures and generations
live on coexisting peacefully enjoying mutual cognition,
the proper place for a young artist to grow, to let
his mind run free, learn, gaining perception enhancement
and therefore become the solid emotions generator which
after all makes the difference between a regular bystander
and an artist all the way. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- the Melkweg - In less than two years Antonio Pessoa
becomes quite popular in Amsterdam, particularly among
the artists, painters, musicians and actors. By the
time he was nineteen he is actually doing a whole lot
of things at the same time. Participating in several
major Art workshops, doing support acts for american
blues and jazz bands and even playing as an actor with
an english theater company on tour all over central
Europe. Nevertheless there was a huge place right at
the heart of Amsterdam, by Leidse-plein called the Melkweg,
where the artist spends most of his time. The Melkweg
was divided in many sections all of them vocationally
directed either to arts, cinema, music, poetry, live
music, dancing, theater, you name it. Antonio Pessoa
establishes contact with very talented people such as
Brian Ferry, Jango Edwards, Peter Ercolano, Allen Ginsberg,
Brian Eno, Frank Zappa, just to mention a few. Obviously
all these acquaintances are on short terms going to
have a strong and decisive role and effect upon his
still half-procrastinanting talent and imagination.
Nevertheless, more or less procrastinating, fact is
Antonio Pessoa was already feeding his mind and soul
with the best references and influences one could possible
get, let alone the fact that the young artist was by
then already clearly showing that definitely he wasn't
going to be just another Mr. Smith of the audience.
At the Melkweg, Leidse-plein, Amsterdam, Nederland,
the teenage Antonio Pessoa was indeed absorbing the
arousing fantasy side of life, the neo-surrealist side
of reality, the twilight zone where facts turn into
artfacts as by magic. The Melkweg was the Amsterdam's
cathedral of the young ones celebrating arts, love,
music, cinema, theater and most important of all celebrating
life. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - the Holland's affair
- The nineteen years old Antonio Pessoa happily living
and enjoying his dearly loved Amsterdam is still far
from becoming a full time professional artist. Divided
between music, theater, fine arts and traveling throughout
Europe and northern Africa, he doesn't feel the urgency
or a particular motivation to actually compell him by
concentrating all his energy into one single specific
activity. Nine years still have to go by before Antonio
Pessoa indeed definitely makes up his mind to drop his
eclectic interests and passions in order to fully embrace
fine arts on a daily and professional basis for good.
I suppose what was at stake by then was indeed the traditional
process of learning, living, purchasing all the possibilities
available, facing the exciting challenge of the growing
up metamorphosis. Despite his countless visits to London,
Brussels, Paris and Berlin, Antonio Pessoa found in
Amsterdam a city soul mate - so to speak - the perfect
playground to support his self-sufficiency, to practice
his creative self-hypnosis and to solidify his demanding
self- assurance. I would say that maybe, just maybe,
but anyway very probably Antonio Pessoa would have kept
on living in Netherlands for the rest of his life if
some punctual and eventual unexpected circumstancial
ways of the fate hadn't actually at a certain period
of his mid-twenties dragged him back to western southern
Europe once again. Nevertheless the importance of Amsterdam
and Holland in Antonio Pessoa's life and work, personality,
vision and culture is absolutely undeniable and entirely
interactive. The Holland's affair seems to me to be
a rather more accurate perspective on the whole, as
indeed not just Amsterdam but Dutch culture and the
Dutch way of life have strongly influenced the artist
in such a dynamic way to the point that Antonio Pessoa
nowadays could be more or less defined as the true Flying
Dutchman abroad. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - five years
outlook - Antonio Pessoa starts painting his first oils
on canvas in Vondelstraat, then in his studio of Prinsengracht,
then on and on one year later in his studio in Haarlemstraat
and again three years after in his studio off Leidse-plein
in Weteringstraat. Many things, many changes in the
meantime during these five years happening - as a traffic
jam - in the young artist's life. So intense and meteoritical
were these five years in a row of going through so many
and such new and unexpected experiences that it's totally
accurate to establish and state that by now we are talking
about a different Antonio Pessoa, a young man still
rather dizzy evaluating his emotions rush and flows
and trying to make out a global understanding of life's
strange and fascinating metaphysical forces. Times were
changing, the artist was changed and life was showing
clear signs of further changes yet to come. Amsterdam
was still there as years before, only that this time
now the perspective while looking at the city's life
wasn't providing the same feedback as years before.
Not better not worse. Just a different feedback in the
very same proportion as the artist wasn't any longer
a teenager, Antonio Pessoa was now a mid-twenties young
man still so very much in love with Amsterdam and still
so very much in love with life. Nevertheless euphoria
had turned into sober elation, lust had turned into
love and sharing perception, apprenticeship had turned
into art source technical command and pain and self-pity
had turned into acceptance and tolerance. By this time
without even knowing it yet, Antonio Pessoa is just
about to move over to Groningen where he is going to
live for almost one year. And as far as Holland is concerned
the Groningen experience is also going to be the beginning
of the end. However, Amsterdam-Nederland is going to
remain in Antonio Pessoa's heart, soul and work for
all the years to come... Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- Gerard Meerman, the Patron - One Summer night at the
Black and White cafe, Leidse-plein, Antonio Pessoa acquaints
with Gerard Meerman, a wealthy young german art lover
who from that night on becomes his best friend in town
and within a few weeks, surprise surprise, the artist's
Patron. He gives him shelter by providing him a nice
studio at his house in Vondelstraat. It's possible that
at a certain point of their relationship, there might
have been some sort of silent homosexual platonic feelings
going on, but most important of all is that Gerard Meerman
indeed took good care of Antonio Pessoa's personal life,
needs and whims, giving him the stimulus and motivation
to start painting on a regular basis as well as enough
freedom so the artist could, shall we say, fullfill
his appetite for the night life merry-go-round, naturally
and actually very acceptable at his age and specifically
considering his ever restless nature. This close relationship
between the two young men is going to last for two intensive
years. Gerard exchanges all this luxurious protection
for all Antonio Pessoa's art production. It seems to
be an accurate and certain assumption that indeed there
might have been a whole lot more than just friendship
between the two of them which could somehow explain
the out of proportion situation at stake. Antonio Pessoa
was by then visiting Paris and London on a weekly basis,
booking in rather expensive hotels and living a Dolce
Vita apparently far beyond his possibilities. In my
humble estimation I would say that Antonio Pessoa during
these two years with Gerard Meerman might have produced
more than two hundred oils on canvas. Now the question
is, What are the whereabouts of all those art pieces?
The search for the answers lead us straight away to
speculative and inquisitive supposition investments
and at the end of the road just a sign which reads "Loose
Ends". Nevertheless one thing is for sure, Gerard
Meerman definitely gave Antonio Pessoa the right push,
at the right place,at the right time. Antonio Pessoa
- Amsterdam - Stand by - For some strange and obscure
reason Gerard Meerman and Antonio Pessoa at a certain
stage after two years of partnership break up and their
affairs are over for good. The young german sells his
house and gets back to Germany while Antonio Pessoa
with a couple of friends are on their way down south
to Morocco driving a Beetle Volkswagen and listening
to progressive rock. Just one more adventure in the
artist's life, one more time looking for the One Thousand
and One Nights magic or maybe, now that I come to think
of it, looking for himself once again. One way or another
this is going to be the second and the last time Antonio
Pessoa visits northern Africa. Driving from Paris to
Algeciras then from Tangier to Casablanca the three
friends not yet fully satisfied decide to go further
south to a fantastic charming little town on the coast
called Essaouira. This place happens to be also one
of the favourite retreats of people such as Keith Richards
and Jimmy Hendrix years before. Eight weeks go by under
the golden hot sun of the northern african zone till
the three voyagers get back to central Europe in the
same white Beetle but with a tan on their faces and
some fullfilling magic in their hearts. Antonio Pessoa
arrives in Amsterdam, snow white, lively as always but
cold and now he faces the crossroads of what his futur
is going to be like and where it's going to lead him
to. He's back to his old friends, back to the Melkweg,
once again back to music and theater, back to a long
lasting feeling of lost and emptiness despite his spontaneous
communication combustion, Antonio Pessoa is well aware
there's definitely something missing in his emotional
universe, something or someone, anyway life goes on
and a strong heart keeps on pumping and providing enough
energy to let not enthusiasm and excitement go down
the drain just like that. He lives now with a dutch
friend in Damrak, he writes a song called "Waterlooplein
Market Blues" and he rehearsals with a dutch band
in a huge basement within the bridge structure crossing
the Vondelpark. It's Christmas time, the One Thousand
and One Nights magic is gone and Antonio Pessoa lives
the blues and feels rather lost in the city he loves
the most. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - Hieronymus Bosch
- During winter, spring, summer and fall, Antonio Pessoa
leads a very intensive life. His eventual love affairs
are short-lived passions, lust based infatuations with
young women he meets here and there although nothing
really serious to be worth specific comments about it.
With Gerard Meerman, the artist had been basically painting
his own interpretations of the old Impressionism. Most
of his artworks during that period were divided between
Amsterdam cityscapes, portraits, peculiar still lives
and nudes. Antonio Pessoa those days is studying Rembrant,
Van Gogh, Renoir and Claude Monet. As a matter of fact
it's going to take years before Antonio Pessoa becomes
plenty satisfied with his Universal Art History knowledge
and command in order to embrace contemporary Art solidly
and cognitively skillfull and technically self-assured
as indeed to enter the contemporary dimension and challenge
provided with the inter-related absolute vision, concept
and whole perspective of past, present and futur. His
acquaintance with Nick and Darius, two artists from
New York city living in Amsterdam, is going to take
him to have his first worth mention definite important
contact with american Expressionism and with twentieth
century's Surrealism at the same time. He discovers
the interesting possibilities of Salvador Dali, Yves
Tanguy, Rene Magritte, Max Ernst and Man Ray and in
the process of so doing Antonio Pessoa is once again
taking a ride in the Time machine back to 15th century
and Jheronimus van Aken, alias, Hieronymus Bosch. From
then on Antonio Pessoa adopts and defends what from
his deep belief becomes the undeniable theory that indeed
after all Surrealism was born in Nederland with the
skills and by the hands of a Great Master genius named
Hieronymus Bosch. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - painting
Live and feeling Alive - While Antonio Pessoa goes on
wandering between Impressionism and Surrealism, music
and theater, Art workshops and night life, Amsterdam's
winter turns into springtime till Summer comes at last
bringing new colors,new friends and new ideas into the
young man's universe. Once again the artist visits Paris
on a weekly basis, spending hours and hours in a row
either in the Louvre Museum or at the Pompidou Center.
He loves the amazing contrast between Amsterdam and
Paris. Somehow it makes him feel rather complete jumping
from one city to the other. He loves to live in Amsterdam
and simply adores the Latin touch and smell of the french
capital city. The Vondel Park goes on being one of his
favourite Summer hangouts where he draws, paints and
does sketches, meets new friends and furthermore grabs
his thoughts together. He feels free and high in the
city and in the country he loves the most. He plans
to stay in Holland for the rest of his life, still far
from knowing or even suspecting that fate had indeed
reserved him a totally different direction. He loves
to paint Live at the Vondel Park, enjoying people's
reactions and enjoying the summertime weather as well.
Every week he steps out of the train from Paris at the
Amsterdam's woderful Central Station.He's back home
fullfilled with the parisian poetry and anxious for
the dutch way of living. Day after day, night after
night, Antonio Pessoa quickly recovers from his winter's
depression as if a rescue squad of new inspiration arrived
promptly, leaving the pain behind and bringing him forward
apparently to a bright and stainless optimistic futur.
He's making a good living with portraits and painting
Live with the hoped-for illusion that this Summer is
going to last forever,with the hoped-for illusion that
this feeling of hapiness and freedom will drag him throughout
the years and through life with no more interferences
of doubt and pain, blues, darkness and rain. Antonio
Pessoa - Amsterdam - a Last Goodbye Adventure - By the
end of September, Antonio Pessoa has enough money to
live comfortably for at least one year. The Summer is
gone and gone is the golden sun and the lively afternoons
in the Vondel Park. The artist goes back to the rainproof
Melweg. He meets a french girl, Dominique and they hold
on to eachother as two dreamers looking for a mutual
dream. And that's what they're going to get. They pack
their things and take the first train to Paris without
a single care in the world, without even knowing where
they're bound for. They do it on the train, they do
it everywhere, they know they both need a break, a sweet
desperate solution for the Summer's end. So from Paris
to Venice and from Venice to the greek islands, sharing
a love they both know it doesn't going to last forever,
aware that the artist belongs to Nederland and Dominique
is an actress about to move overseas right to Manhattan,
New York city. Nevertheless in the meantime they stick
to eachother making the most of it, enjoying the moment
as well as the last goodbye. This is the first time
in Greece for Antonio Pessoa but it's not going to be
the last one. If this time now the greek islands are
going to be Paradise, the next time things are going
to turn out to be rather different. For two and a half
months the two drifters indeed enjoy the last goodbye,
back to Venice, from there to Barcelona, back to Paris
and once again down south this time to Monaco. Antonio
Pessoa is running out of money and Dominique is running
out of passion. They already knew this was a kind of
a last goodbye adventure from the very beginning but
even so they also knew all goodbyes when the time comes
seem to be the hardest moment. They kissed for the last
time at La Gare du Nord in Paris both aware they hardly
were going to stumble upon eachother ever again. That
night Antonio Pessoa, once again on his own, took the
train back to where he did belong. Amsterdam! Antonio
Pessoa - Amsterdam - back in business - Peter's place
counts once again with the restless presence of this
Jack of all trades sort of artist, fact which Peter
starts seeing as a sign of an helpless immature bahavior
and unformed character. This unripe fruit named Antonio
Pessoa in Peter's perspective is into too many activities
at once and by all means procrastinating the development
of his best natural vocation and talent. Fine Arts.
Living under pressure by the continuous Peter's friendly
proposals that he should once and for all concentrate
and commit himself and all his vital energy to Art and
nothing else but Art, Antonio Pessoa once again gets
back down to earth and to work starting by getting up
in the morning and paint most of day therefore giving
up night life and his inspiring hangout. The Melkweg.
This constancy goes on for roughly six months. The artist
brings his latest traveling memories onto the canvas,
enjoying every single moment of it. In the meantime
Peter van Dijk takes care of promoting and selling his
artworks the best way he knows how, using his influences
among the art loving intellectual friends of his wide
social circle. Antonio Pessoa is once again more than
glad to be systematically provided with this regular
financial gain, an income they split fifty-fifty between
the two of them, for Peter besides having assumed to
bear the responsibility of being his agent, go-between,
public relations and merchant is also taking good care
of the productive artist now yielding artwork positive
results, by hiring an indonesian house keeper who takes
care of the laundry, hot meals and everything else related
with proper comfort and home studio warmth in order
to keep the artist fully concentrated in his trade's
action. Peter van Dijk is now starting to set serious
ambitious plans for Antonio Pessoa's futur, obviously
due to the undeniable success he was having with the
artist's oils sales. That could indeed have been the
early big break for Antonio Pessoa's career. However,
once again the oddish fate was one more time dancing
together hand in hand with the whimsical young artist.
And this time now Mr. Fate was indeed about to strike
real hard, anyway, just for the record. Antonio Pessoa
- Amsterdam - Dr. Gold Foot and the Bikini Machine -
If Antonio Pessoa was by then an enthusiastic Art museums
regular, the same was not applicable as far as Art galleries
are concerned. Crazy and strange as it seems the artist
wasn't bound for becoming by then or ever after an Art
galleries worm. The reason why still remains unanswered
making way to random conjecturing, more or less accurate
speculation which may lead us to going about the possible
inner reasons for this peculiar lack of interest. As
a matter of fact Antonio Pessoa throughout the years
is going to maintain a solid and unmovable posture about
this issue which spontaneously is going to turn out
to be his very own style of actually leading his career
by working with independent art dealers, public relations
mediators or even friends acting as links between parties.
Peter van Dijk in Amsterdam back in the 80's was very
probably becoming already fully aware of this pretty
obvious reluctance in Antonio Pessoa to commit himself
to the bureaucratic rules,long waiting energy spending
scheduling, pseudoelitist harsh evaluations sessions,
a ghastly universe he didn't feel the need to share
let alone the urgency to belong to. Eventually years
later Antonio Pessoa becomes a full-time professional
wealthy artist without even going through a bit of struggle
in the process. More likely as gradual changes through
a series of pleasurable states. So that Summer's July
morning when Peter takes him for an interview with a
gallery director who kept Antonio Pessoa "patiently"
waiting for more than one hour, Peter suddenly finds
himself alone in the room as the artist opens the door,
steps out on the street and fades away. That very same
day life for the two friends is about to change drastically
as drastically can be. That evening Antonio Pessoa is
off to the United Kingdom with two english friends and
an english lady singer. They were going to be Dr. Gold
Foot and the Bikini Machine bound for a six months Pub
gig playing in London town. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- London town - Antonio Pessoa and the three friends
are now living in a three storey house in Askew Road,
Hammersmith, London. London is something else, a different
way of living, another concept of distance and a much
more sober night life style than in the lively stimulating
Amsterdam. So therefore from the very first day he misses
Holland fully aware that his London stay on is just
going to be a temporary hookup. During the daytime Antonio
Pessoa paints and most of the evenings playing with
Dr. Gold Foot and the Bikini Machine everywhere in London,
old songs from the 50's and 60's with sexy Tracy in
her peculiar Andrew Sisters style at the microphone.
Meantime every week the artist can be found hurrying
up along the Queens Walk and entering the Tate Modern,
his ever favourite spare time hangout in downtown London.
Also the National Gallery, Somerset House and the Victoria
& Albert Museum are going to be number one priorities
in his compulsory agendum. During these six months in
London Antonio Pessoa comes to Amsterdam on a regular
basis, taking with him his latest paintings and therefore
passing them over to Peter's jurisdictional operating
procedures.His dutch best friend can't help looking
at him with mild reproachful eyes, expressing the silent
reproof he feels about the way the artist is definitely
postponing his success let alone the possibility of
actually allowing his career going down the drain. The
Askew Road's "pagoda" was a swarming cheerful
party that never sleeps, the right place for the young
ones to celebrate life, good- time, music, food and
lust. However it was about Christmastime, time to turn
off the loud amplifiers and tune in with the what to
do next, when and where. That was no big headache, no
complex existential equations required for the answer
had always been laying in at the bottomland of the artist's
heart. Amsterdam! Only fifteen years after was Antonio
Pessoa going to step on the streets of London, England,
U.K., again. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - ambivalent
crossroads - Peter van Dijk is becoming sadly aware
that his series of actions advancing Antonio Pessoa's
career toward a position of stability and reputation
is turning out to be a frustrating campaign. On the
other hand Antonio Pessoa feels to a moderately sufficient
extent satisfied with his multiplex talent which is
withholding the ultimate commitment of binding himself
to a single course of action, in this particular instance,
fine arts. No big deal, now that we look back at the
past from the present times comfortable standpoint.
However it was indeed going to take ten years before
Antonio Pessoa gives up everythig else in order to fully
commit himself entirely to a professional only fine
arts assured mature attitude and performance. However
it was definitely an awesome life perspective back then
for an artist in the fascinating process of discovering
the world, sexuality, art and himself. On the other
hand Peter was growing more and more standoffish just
by helplessly watching his marketing researches and
time investments turn out to be a no way out alleyway,
being money not at all his main priority or basic motivation,
for fact is it was genuine his emotional involvement
in Antonio Pessoa's artwork and furthermore specifically
personal, in his upraised vital energy which inevitably
was indeed the generator of such an amazing compulsive
creative production capacity. As a matter of fact this
very same inherent working potential energy, ten years
later is one of the main qualities which markedly is
going to pinpoint his ever growing reputation as a mass
production high quality sort of artist. Anyway, anyhow,
back to those days, the tense atmosphere between the
two friends wasn't actually giving signs of getting
any better,to say the least.If Peter was stubborn enough
about his concept of how the artist's career should
be managed and handled, Antonio Pessoa was tenaciously
unwilling to exchange freedom and real time spontaneousness
enjoying the moment without constraint, for a methodical
orderliness based working discipline. And as there's
always an end for everything in life, well, well, well,
that sure actually did it. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- on the road again - That cold winter Antonio Pessoa
once again gets a band together with three dutch musicians.
The Horny Angel. Besides this band he plays everywhere
in Holland with his english friend Martin Camp, just
for the fun and obviously some little extra income couldn't
do them no harm. From Amsterdam they drove with their
instruments on the backseat to places like Delft, Hilversum,
Tilburg, Arnhem, Den Haag, Haarlem, Alkmaar, Assen,
Leeuwarden... and Groningen. By then, Antonio Pessoa
was still far from knowing that Groningen was going
to live and have a very special place in his memory
forever after. Still living at Peter's place, Antonio
had no longer any spare time for Art. And Peter van
Dijk was running out of patience despite his good-natured
tolerance and his profound admiration toward the artist.
Antonio Pessoa meets Mona at Martin's place. Mona is
Dutch, she's cheerful, sexy and bright and they stick
together for a couple of weeks. Nothing serious thou,
just easy going love and good-time rock n' roll. The
young ones celebrating life. The artist introduces Mona
to Peter and, surprise, surprise, it's hate at first
sight. The situation was getting rather complex, apparently
civilized, but just on the surface for inherently about
to get out of control. That Monday everyone decides
to take the whole week off. Martin splits to Manchester,
U.K., Mona goes to Rotterdam to be with her family and
Antonio Pessoa takes off bound for Paris once again.
Peter van Dijk stays in Amsterdam. One week later Antonio
steps off the train at the Amsterdam's Central Station
and takes a sit at the charming restaurant upstairs
for a getting high-take your time continental breakfast.
One hour goes by and the artist pacifistically goes-as-he-pleases
through the drawings and sketches he had done that relaxing
week in Montmartre. A blond young woman about his age
sitting at the front table smile on her beautiful face
gives him the signal to join him. And join him she did.
She is crazy about Art, she declares, back home from
London, the dutch girl tells him she's on her way to
her hometown. Groningen. Two in the afternoon, she already
has his adress, three in the afternoon they both feel
this special something, this unspoken desire to see
eachother again. They kiss goodbye, Antonio Pessoa far
from knowing that his whole life was just about to turn
upside down. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - the fine arts
swindle - Peter van Dijk these days was watching Antonio
Pessoa coming in and going out obviously enthusiastic
about everything but Fine Arts. His dutch friend besides
not being at all able to understand, let alone digest
his behaviour, definitely wasn't accepting the arrogant
indolance of someone so talented for arts and yet so
immaturely driven by primitive-primary spontaneous impulsions
and childish ephemeral infatuations. A few times he
actually tryed to talk him back down to reason going
to considerable trouble by ensure him observance of
rules, mainly just with the particular purpose to make
the artist admit once and for all he was indeed about
to cross the line of the reasonable and about to jump
over the edge. There were twenty oils on canvas hanging
on the walls, like ghost spectrums of the past, dusty,
silent and sullen, menacing visions brooding over his
head all day long. Antonio Pessoa's supernatural powers
were by now a dead legend, no more oil colorful charming
incantations by the hands of a talented early rising
hard working artist,the magical spell was broken and
the illusory feats were now seen as an obnoxious swindle
illustration. Face-saving was definitely out of question,
now that the compromise was adulterated, going on keeping
maintaining dignity or prestige would be a useless and
pointless fake. The valuable ingredients of their relationship
were being corrupted by the city itself. The lively
Amsterdam's night life and its impure substances were
taking his artist away from the productive dimension
where he indeed did belong. Antonio Pessoa's recklessness
was leading him along a very winding road and all Peter
could possibly do right now was sit quietly and call
up memories of the artist's golden days. His way of
thinking was no longer reconcilable with the talented
young man's perfunctory performance now. The recapitulation
of the past was rather painful while the blind rebel
one wasn't giving any signs of willing to even consider
the lost at stake. It was a sad situation getting more
and more absurd and it looked as if there was no way
they could talk it over anymore. Those were the last
days of Peter and Antonio Pessoa together, as Art lovers,
as partners, as friends. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- lightning and thunder - Antonio Pessoa in his very
early twenties is an outstanding guitar player, he sits
at the piano for three hours in a row in a solo concert
while people cheerfully gather around and he is indeed
an amazing singer as well. That's why the "dilemma"
is going to persist remaining for one decade yet before
he finally stakes on the outcome of fine arts. He loves
Amsterdam, he loves his freedom and he is enjoying being
cheerful, loved and alive taking things as they come
and celebrating life all the time. He believes he's
living the time of his life with God by his side, the
world at his feet and with the universe as his guide.
He acquaints with Frank Zappa at the Rotterdam Ahoy.
Antonio Pessoa invites him to rehearse at his father's
farm in southern Portugal and the american musician
invites him to L.A. Nevertheless they are not going
to stumble eachother ever again because life is just
about to pay Antonio Pessoa one of those tricks one
is never supposed to forget. Surprise, surprise, Peter
that evening can't hold it back any longer and surprise,
surprise, he indeed let's it all out in the open. What
was said in that house that night between the two of
them it was something they both knew they had it coming.
The heat is high and in the midst of the flames and
smoke of the burning hearts, the combustion of inflammable
feelings and aflame emotions words do come easy and
harshly with the sudden lightning of thunder. So in
that winter rainy night a raging Peter throws him out,
the artist is already packing and sweating, the homeostatic
process of when you don't know where to go, what do
to, neither who to talk with. However what happened
next, maybe it was a God's gift, maybe a Fate's yielding
or even maybe one of those Devil's expensive presents.
The door bell rings as the artist goes down the stairs
on his last way out. The beautiful blond girl from Groningen
is standing right over there, with a bright smile on
her face saying Hello, holding the umbrella under the
rain. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - Yvonne Smit - Once
upon a time they took a taxi to Mona's place. She was
still in Rotterdam but one of the house keys was in
Antonio Pessoa's pockets. They had left the baggage
at the Central Station and had spent all night on a
bar-hop-let's get to know eachother kind of ritual till
the first morning light brought them back down to the
so called real world. So by the time they got off the
taxi in front of Mona's place they were already quite
familiar with the taste and flavour of eachother's lips.
Their hearts were pumping fast and their senses were
running wild. They remained in bed for forty eight hours
in a row while the home refrigerator's content was being
systematically and quickly reduced till very little
of it was left, to say the least. If it was a well verified
fact that Antonio Pessoa hadn't specially been leading
a life of the abstentious monk kind, it was also a fact
that all his eventual multiple casual infatuations hadn't
been indeed nothing more than just that. Up to now.
The radio was on, the light was dim, the bodies were
sticky as in the steamy tropics, moist with that undried
perspiration of the appetites an passions of fleshly
desire. The radio was on and by then, music the only
sensual pleasure without vice. Over and over again they
went through the sulfurous atmosphere preceding the
orgasmic thunderstorm, resting their souls for short
whiles in a daydreaming suspended sleep, gaining consciousness
of eachothers heart beats, unspoken feelings, unsounded
telepathy, that striking communication zone where no
sensory perceptions are required, gaining consciousness
of eachothers smells now an exciting intermixture of
fluids slowly floating downstream on and along their
bodies. The radio was on, the light was dim, the perfect
stage for two of a kind souls to be sharing an everlasting
procrastinating extravaganza as the hard rain kept on
falling while in that cloudy vapor condensed atmosphere
they stuck closer and closer with eachother definitely
expecting some more and still much more flooding. The
radio was on and the light was dim, once upon a time
in Amsterdam, Nederland. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- a fair trial - Nevertheless, good things don't last
forever, for when Mona got back from Rotterdam, the
situation wasn't so funny anymore and the throwing out
process went on and on for nearly twenty-four hours
with all the required protocol either to give it the
proper civilized appearance plus all the due diplomatic
procedures or maybe as an excellent opportunity not
only to break a little bit the boring routine but eventually
to provide the throwing out ceremony with a little spicy
drama although as I said, very civilized and very, very
diplomatic. They did it the dutch way. For Yvonne Smit
and Antonio Pessoa, the relocation program just about
to take place came as a reluctant obligation they were
under once again and therefore the social force binding
them to find a new settlement, went on for hours and
hours with Martin Camp now, wich presence had been urgently
claimed, plus one of Mona's female friends who actually
played the role of the one-citizen-committee jury. Tea
was served and the judgement delivered. The commencement
speaker presented a forceful speech that impressed everyone,
very particularly Yvonne and the artist. The embezzlement
at stake although taken lightly - for they were friends
after all - was indeed worth having a fair trial court
and as the two wrongdoers were respectfully listening
to the indictment, more tea was served, cheese, cookies,
cherry, marmalade and God knows what else. Antonio Pessoa
most of the time during the fair trial, sat silent and
quite making the most of the splendid nourishing food
displayed on the table, while the Groningen girl seemed
to be having the time of her life letting go her most
eloquent verbal defence policy dazzling the audience
with her expressive ready facile tongue. Nevertheless
they all knew what the verdict was going to be. Guilty.
So therefore Yvonne Smit and the artist that rainy afternoon
were out on the street, happily homeless and helplessly
so very much in love. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - Prinsengracht
- Springtime was already immersing Amsterdam in sunshine,
bathing the flowering spring trees, the young lovery
couple already living in a glamourous apartment, a third
floor love nest, where they together celebrating all
the best, more than ever, were throwing eachother promises
of an ever lasting romance, like in a trance where they
both profoundly believed nobody and nothing could possibly
tear them apart. Antonio Pessoa was now in peace, totally
convinced he had indeed made it for good. God was by
his side after all, and as for the devil the hell with
him. He was still playing with Martin Camp, still rehearsing
with the Horny Angel and most important of all he had
somehow managed to start painting again. Antonio Pessoa
was more than ever truly fascinated by the life and
work of Hieronymus Bosch. Masterpieces such as The Ship
of Fools, The Seven Deadly Sins, Christ Crowned with
Thorns, The Temptation of Saint Anthony, Witches and
very particularly The Garden of Earthly Desires, were
among his favourites. Yvonne Smit shared his interests
with the same devotion. They went to see a Salvador
Dali's exhibition and from that moment on Antonio Pessoa
became more and more convinced that Hieronymus Bosch
was indeed the Godfather of all modern surrealism. The
cosy apartment in Prinsengracht became their uncorrupted
paradise, while their bodies became more and more their
main communication tools. Sex was fantastic and being
so madly in love to such a degree as indeed it was a
fact back in those days, was something which Antonio
Pessoa had never felt before to that or to any extent
whatsoever, for all that matters. That Springtime in
Prinsengracht, their love relationship was reaching
the dazzling heights of the vertigo, the whirling sensations
of a magical dizzy spell, the pinnacle of all sexual
possibilities. So far so good. Reaching the Nirvana
through Kama Sutra. What else was an artist supposed
to wish? Love, freedom, fullfillment, passion, music,
Amsterdam and Art. Yvonne Smit tells him every sigle
day, countless times, he is her miracle and that she
definitely doesn't want to loose him. Never! Antonio
Pessoa - Amsterdam - Vincent Van Gogh - The artist not
yet fully satisfied with his knowledgeability of the
post-impressionism movement goes once again through
Vincent Van Gogh's biography and in the process of so
doing actually does a reasonable amount of study researches
of the dutch artist paintings. However, taking from
his personal perspective Van Gogh's Sunflowers doesn't
seem to interest him much, on the other hand The Starry
Nights has a magnetic effect on Antonio Pessoa's visual
and emotional sensibility. For many years to come Antonio
Pessoa goes systematically back and about Vincent Van
Gogh's biography, supposedly trying to make out the
real source of Van Gogh's eternal punishment on earth,
the general stigma which made him live such a short
and tragic life till his dramatic suicide. Years later,
Antonio Pessoa going through Pablo Picasso's biography,
besides discovering the unexpected convergence to his
own ideas on how real life and artwork should be walking
hand in hand, furthermore finds the personification
of optimist as the ultimate antidote for the average
depressive emotional stunning self-destructive kamikaze
impulses of not only Van Gogh but indeed of so many
artists of the twentieth century. Yvonne Smit follows
his interests always with her up-to-dateness enthusiasm
keeping him company twenty four hours a day and participating
the best way she knows how. Antonio Pessoa tells her
"I wish I could paint like Van Gogh, but I wouldn't
like to live like he did". Yvonne Smit assures
him, "Take my word for granted, you won't".
Antonio Pessoa and his Van Gogh's obsession is going
to be one of his Art History preoccupations which is
going to last for quite a long while. He believes Vincent
Van Gogh of all the post-impressionists is definitely
the only one succeeding a true remarkable sight for
art expression despite his sad hypochondriacal nature.
The apartment in Prinsengracht is now a home studio,
drawings, sketches and watercolors scattered all over
the place, as fertilizers over the lawn, translating
Antonio Pessoa's insatiable desire to reach the final
authority on Art History and very particularly on Vincent
Van Gogh's life and work. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- procrastinating - Antonio Pessoa is so happy in his
Prinsengracht apartment and so very much in love with
Yvonne Smit, between his Great Masters biographies reading,
his drawings and watercolors, long strolls across the
Vondel Park hand in hand with the woman of his dreams,
that as days and weeks go by he begins to forget his
music-biz commitments to the point of actually consigning
those professional responsibilities to a remote confinement,
to say the least. These days they are waking up late
afternoon after long pleasurable nights love making,
hooked on their wild sex endless experimental sessions,
becoming two souls in one body, two bodies in one hallucinating
overwhelming ecstasy, becoming more and more a compact
uncontrolled delirious frantic mad whirl of pleasure,
a high-voltage fleshly action togetherness. So therefore
it is in this stage of delicious demented excess that
Antonio Pessoa enters a period of exhaled divine procrastinating
voluntary exile, enjoying and making the most, and beyond
the most, of this luxurious epicurean banquet, the magnificent
gratification of the senses, all night long in a love's
nest in Prinsengracht with a wide panoramic window overlooking
at the canal. Yvonne Smit, the ingenious "innocent
bystander" was dragging him to the foxhole, the
twilight zone, the so called trap where once you get
in you soon going to learn how hard and painful is the
process of getting out. So by the time the dutch musicians
of the Horny Angel and Martin Camp started complaining,
the artist and his muse were already to far away flying
high up in the sky to even bother to come back down
to earth, at least to respectfully give them a fair
enough explanation. The awkward situation was created
and it seemed there was no way back. From then on the
dice are going to roll as never before, from then on
fate is going to send Antonio Pessoa a "it's no
good idea to be messing around with me" message
and sure thing he is going to keep it in his mind, heart
and soul for the rest of his life. Antonio Pessoa -
Amsterdam - out of the Garden of Earthly Desires - Just
as in with the domino effect, the procrastinating ritual
didn't have to wait too long before the unexpected inevitable
consequences started to react and hit real hard playing
his evil cards on the undercover of pressure. If Antonio
Pessoa was caught by surprise it was crazy as it seems
indeed, for he should have known all the way he had
it coming, sooner or later, in fact just a matter of
time - Yvonne Smit was indeed the first to stand still,
tension all over her system, before the announcement
of harsh reality once again promulgating a hard rain
was about to fall. She was indeed the first to get up
and out of the procrastinating after midnight idleness,
the first to actually set up the situation table and
the one who had enough guts - so to speak - to set boundaries
as far as Antonio Pessoa's social and professional alienation
was concerned. The Horny Angel's dutch musicians weren't
counting on Antonio Pessoa anymore, as a matter of fact
they were actually at the dangerous point of rupture,
their minds basically made up for a definite break up
in relations. As for Martin Camp, he was digesting the
situation the british way. Antonio Pessoa pops by, Martin
welcomes him at the entrance door with a wide open polite
english smile, tea is relaxing served as they pleasantly
talk about the weather. However they know eachother
to well by then so as Antonio looks up into his eyes
he sees and feels the unmistakable sullen resentful
glistening glitter. While Martin serves them more tea
with a shred of milk the tension is in the air and it
weights a ton. Anyway, despite the love she feels for
the artist, Yvonne Smit is once again the first red
light to stop the procrastinating traffic and therefore
to admit the oppressive feeling from the heavy force
making the most to bow them down by the weight of responsibility.
It's time to go to bed, this time just for sleeping,
wake up in the morning for a cold shower, breakfast
and a long long walk along the canal streets to talk
things over. By the end of the day they both had to
admit they had jumped off a cliff for a long long fall
over to the Garden of Earthly Desires. They both admit
they are helplessly hooked on eachother, by the end
of the day they both admit it's just about time for
a short holiday in northern Nederland. Groningen! Antonio
Pessoa - Amsterdam - Groningen - Yvonne Smit and the
artist make love in the train's toilet on their way
to Groningen. The hell with it,they are young lovers
crazy about eachother. Making the most of every single
moment and savoring the rules breaking, laughing at
the world and taking the risk of the social status suicide
kind. Yvonne Smit isn't by all means concerned about
the futur and Antonio Pessoa has the ever-present supporting
structure of his multiple talents, skills, trades command,
his easy going communicative nature plus a wealthy family
ready to eventually provide him with a financial and
emotional rescue right on the spot, anywhere, anytime.
They are going to stay in Groningen for one week. At
the Grote Markt they visit the Drie Gezusters cafe which
for the artist is love at first sight. He sits at the
piano to get the feel of its touch while contemplating
the great collection of oil paintings displayed on the
walls. He simply adores it! Yvonne Smit's parents give
them shelter and a comfortable familiar atmosphere with
not to many questions to go with it. The dutch girl
introduces him to Marguerite, her best friend who happens
to be having a not particularly fullfilling affair with
a young millionaire named Rick. Yvonne shows him around
Groningen, telling him her childhood adventures, glory
days and misfortunes. It's their first time away from
Amsterdam and it sure feels like a refreshing change.
However by midweek Antonio Pessoa is already missing
Amsterdam and very specifically his Prinsengracht bird's
nest. He misses the lively stimulating rhythm of the
big city, the cosmopolitan ambience, the excitement
influence, Melkweg and the Vondel Park. As he sits once
again at the Drie Gezusters grand piano he's once again
aware of an awkward feeling of lost, a strange unfullfilled
vacuum chamber which he isn't quite able to define let
alone get rid of it. He looks at Yvonne drinking a cup
of coffee and smiling at him, pride and joy in her eyes,
knowing he is helplessly in love with her, a sort of
ceaseless emotional tumult he had never felt before,
whatsoever. And for the first time in his life he was
actually yet experiencing a feeling he hadn't come across
so far. Fear! Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - Love, Passion...
or Lust! -On their way back to Amsterdam, as the train
speeds up, they both sit awkwardly quiet, somehow sullen
and thoughtful, heedful of the consciousness warnings.
Was Amsterdam the right place for them, after all? Were
they still in love or just hooked on eachother? Yvonne
Smit now begins to be fully aware that the artist was
dropping all his interests behind for the lust's sake.
Something was very wrong about this affair, the values
didn't quite fit anymore, the wonderful whole was now
beginning to look like a meteoritical feelings hard
rain. Deep down inside, Antonio Pessoa knew he had it
all, he could go anywhere, anytime and have a living
and a life. However he begins to be aware that a stronger
sickening overspread passion was gaining control upon
his system. Lust! Mixed up feelings were beginning to
quickly grow between the two of them. The only way out
was to run away. However for the time being that was
definitely out of question. Bewilderment and confusion
were playing their cards, a cloudy perception of life
was taking over as a gigantic wave of evil passions,
awkward ambivalences. Antonio Pessoa this time had been
caught off guard, this time mad love, passion... or
lust, had been the big blow which caught him napping.
The easy going infatuations were a dream of the past
and now the artist felt himself like a fly trapped in
a spider's web labyrinth. Loosing control upon the situation,
the crossroads start feeling like a desperate anxious
acute pain, an agony of doubt like the torments of the
damned. Nevertheless the flavour of her lips, the warmth
of her body, the touch of her hands let alone the climax
in the flood tide of the contact supreme, was becoming
the dangerous disease of the tearful embrace kind. However,
Yvonne Smit was in no better emotional condition than
he was. Two young helpless spellbound libidinous victims
too arrogant to the point of going on feeding the belief
they were two beautiful Gods having holidays on earth.
But even well off beliefs need a true genuine and solid
as a rock structure to back them up in order to let
them go on living and survive! Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- sensitive topics stand - If Antonio Pessoa by then
was already a skillfull musician and painter, let alone
his extroverted communicative cheerful, charismatic,
magnetic personality, a qualities confluence which is
going to, shall we say, keep him company throughout
his life so far,on the other hand his lack of patience,
bad-natured tolerance of delay and very often incompetence,
his rather childish chimerical spontaneousness,this
restless untamed inner tendency to go through life without
constraint... definitely has marked his destiny's course
of conduct, either leading him apart from interesting
professional opportunities or crazy as it seems preventing
him from going through the unpleasurable trouble of
face-to-face confrontations with unreasonable awkward
situations. Nevertheless, one way or another this short
and rather concise portrait of Antonio Pessoa's nature
and contradictory aspects, might gives us an idea, explanation
or interpretation tools, providing us with more solid
ground references in order to better understand the
reasons behind the artist's apparently complex reactions
and eventually patent nonsense concerning specific situations
or even the whole perspective of his adventurous life,
a man always eager and willing to undertake or even
seeking out new and daring enterprises, however always
ready to give it all away at the first signs of distress,
psychological damage, or the whole bunch of the general
adversity kind. Once established these sensitive topics,we
are now a lot closer to an accurate reproduction of
the true and real motivations of the artist, the measurement
of his personality certainly provides us with a good
enough foundation for comparison, reference points or
anything which can actually help us to evaluate Antonio
Pessoa's maneuvers throughout his life. Furthermore,
as far as his artwork is concerned, once again this
global understanding of this ubiquitous man,sure comes
up as a Must when it comes to the process of evaluating
piece after piece of Antonio Pessoa's astronomical high
quality artistic production up to now. Antonio Pessoa
- Amsterdam - Rembrandt van Rijn - Back to Prinsengracht,
Antonio Pessoa and Yvonne Smit once again settle down,
this time on a delicate Let's See What Happens kind
of atmosphere. The artist is postponing the inevitable
confrontation with the dutch band, The Horny Angel and
with Martin Camp as well. He is absolutely obsessed
with Yvonne and real life commitments start to be digested
as a persistent annoyance, a haunting obligation which
he isn't in the mood to be indebted for anymore. On
the beautiful days they spend their afternoons at the
Vondel Park, hand in hand, playing with eachother like
two teenagers living their first summer romance. Now
they are visiting the Rijks Museum at Stadhouderskade
on a weekly basis while Antonio Pessoa starts seriously
focusing his attention and academic interest in Rembrandt
van Rijn. They also pay frequent visits to the Rembrandt
House at Jodenbreestraat. Antonio Pessoa becomes profoundly
impressed with Rembrandt's etchings and drawings so
next thing they knew their apartment of Prinsengracht
is stocked with Rembrandt van Rijn's art books plus
a countless number of studies and new versions Antonio
Pessoa is doing inspired in the dutch Master's oils.
Although the young artist is plenty aware that he is
bound for the contemporary concept he feels desperately
the urgency to do an intensive research concerning the
Old Masters, a personal commitment and ritual Antonio
Pessoa is going to establish as one of his academic
priorities, by then and throughout most of his life
till 2002, period when he apparently becomes respectfully
satisfied at last. Satisfied with his Art History knowledge
let alone all the valuable tutored technical tips and
tricks he believes to be absolutely basic and fundamental,
the essential tools he religiously believes to be crucial
information to the completion of his contemporary art
project. Therefore, Rembrandt van Rijn is going to be
one of Antonio Pessoa's number one references and one
of his favourite adored Masters ever. Antonio Pessoa
- Amsterdam - the Horny Angel's assembly - They were
all sitting around the table at the huge basement where
the Horny Angel had their rehearsal sessions within
the Vondel Park's bridge. And sure they were there for
no Poker game and by all means no one of them seemed
to be holding the highest-ranking hand. The proceedings
consisting of the examination of issues looking forward
for the final determination of Antonio Pessoa's innocence
or guilt was taking place. The defendant side by side
with his lover-attorney looks bored, slightly spaced-out,
impatiently looking at his wristwatch every five minutes
anxiously waiting to get it over with and go home. After
a very diplomatic chitchat indeed the jury presented
the verdict which was very clear and straight to the
point. Antonio Pessoa's latest attitude and behavioral
profile was demonstrating no signs of genuine professional
commitment whatsoever. Antonio Pessoa's beguiling and
short speech showed the "supreme court" his
admitted surrendering capitulation meantime Yvonne Smit,
the reliable defense attorney standing on behalf of
the sued defendant, claims and pledges that all Antonio
Pessoa needs is a short break to sleep on it. And that
was it. The pledge was signed with a toast of Heineken
beer followed by several kisses and handshakes as to
acknowledge the agreement. The Horny Angel's short break
is going to turn out to be indeed an endless break,
for they aren't going to play together anymore, ever
again. Whether or not it was a bad decision making,
a unfavorable combination of circumstances giving away
a golden opportunity, that is something we will never
know, although one thing seems to be a quite reasonable
assumption. Antonio Pessoa's gulf between himself and
the music scene might as well have been the beginning
of the gradual increase of his total commitment to fine
arts as indeed happened years later. As they left the
Vondel Park hand in hand and strangely silent a piece
of the past had just been left behind and somehow they
were both slightly aware of it. They didn't look back
over their shoulders not even once for deep down inside
they also both knew it didn't matter much anymore. As
a matter of fact they both were already feeling by then
that even their love affair, it was a question of time
before it had its turn on the down the hill go, the
final countdown time slow. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam
- the american art dealer - One of the reasons why many
years later a great amount of Antonio Pessoa's oils,
drawings and watercolors were found in private collections
in the U.S.A. in places such as New York city, Boston,
Washington, DC, Chicago and Indianopolis, was the action
role of an american art dealer living in Amsterdam,
named Lee Roberts. Antonio Pessoa had met him at the
Melkweg's Tea House years before and now they stumbled
upon eachother once again this time at a restaurant
called Egg Cream just off Dam square. Lee Roberts is
a gay colored man, arrogant , with a big glittering
smile and a Big Mouth to go with, if you get my drift...
From the very first moment-impact Lee Roberts and Yvonne
Smit aren't going to stand eachother, not even a little
bit, not then and never ever after. Nevertheless Lee
Roberts as far as business was concerned was a straightforward
man, serious and fast. He buys all Antonio Pessoa's
latest production scattered all over the Prinsengracht
apartment, lying strewn all over the floor. The artist
is once again back in business and back down to work.
Lee Roberts lives in a fancy mansion in Amsterdam North
and every two months goes over to New York City for
one week or two. Antonio Pessoa asks him no questions,
not being at all the curious sort of person, besides
his mind body and soul are a togetherness too much too
busy with his artwork let alone his increasingly temperamental
rebellious Yvonne Smit. Due to the wrong chemistry between
the american playboy and the Groningen girl, the artist
and the art dealer have their private business meetings
in Amsterdam North. Lee Roberts seems to be fascinated
with Antonio Pessoa's speed of action and very particularly
with his striking creativity. In Lee Roberts opinion
the artist has this unique natural inner instinct to
give art lovers and art collectors what they want, so
therefore the artwork sales pretty soon come to support
his theory. Their partnership is based on pooling talent
and money, fast and easy, the american way, no special
beating about the bush pseudoscientific headaches required,
just a plain hitting the big-time two partners association.
Antonio Pessoa was back in art production and Lee Roberts
producing a real stimulating good profit! Antonio Pessoa
- Amsterdam - as time goes by - Yvonne looks charming
and beautiful with the springtime colors, smiling and
delighted by witenessing Antonio's fast improvement
as he enthusiastically paints on canvas bizarre unconventional
neo-impressionist situations ,most of them with this
uniqueness touch and feel about them, romantic, sensual
and by all means autobiographic. Yvonne usually sits
at the table by the window drinking coffee and watching
the artist moving around the easel like a ballet dancer,
enjoying every single moment of it. All distress between
them is dissolved under the spell of fine arts magic.
She could stay with him for the rest of her life, she
had told him so many times "baby, I'm crazy about
you, you're my miracle, I don't wanna loose you".
They were two of a kind, passionate, stubborn, lustful,
interactive, sexy, impulsive... and wild! They were
too much too young as well, overbearing pride looking
and valorously fragile. They were like two children
playing with eachother and getting a great kick out
of it, disdaining the tricky and depressing consequences,
once again in the naive belief that virtue is of more
moment than security. Public kissing was for them as
natural as good conversation, just like their sex performances
anywhere, anytime, in a pub's toilet, in the Park under
the bushes, in the darkness of a cinema, savouring the
excitement of the danger, the hank panky's thrill, the
one they enjoyed the most, the swift release of the
sexual forces, the quick rush sensation, the roar of
their hearts engines as they indeed went on getting
a big bang out of it. They were caught in a trap,they
supposedly knew the risk at stake, they instinctively
knew it, still they grabbed the temptation's flow, took
the bait, bravely stuck with eachother, over the edge,
jumping off a cliff straight over to divine madness,
a boisterous knockabout winds and waves of fierce lust
thunders roaring them their music. At a certain point
of the love story they both knew they were on a delicious
drawn-out, hooked on a weird mutual bondage but still
the show had to go on for they had nothing to loose
but their sanity, their sound powers of mind, body and
soul. Totally barmy, as time goes by, they are both
experiencing the most delirious affair of their lives,
the mad whirl of pleasure and the painful madness of
love. Antonio Pessoa - Amsterdam - Denise and Valerie
- Lee Roberts was a smart good-humoured jolly good fellow,
an amiable villain with a cocky sidelong grin, meaning
business but also goodtime. He was as gay as gay can
be, bound for gay-lesbians bars almost everynight. So
therefore after their business pleasurable meetings
at his palace in Amsterdam North very often he drags
Antonio Pessoa in to another gay bar-hop till morning
light. And that particular night the artist was swept
up by the events, acquainting with two english sweetheart
lesbians from Liverpool and living in Amsterdam, south
Herengracht. Valerie and Denise were two lesbian friends
living together although nothing at all going on between
them, but close friendship. Denise was the most boyish,
male-like of the two and Valerie a cheerful kind roly-poly
face gentle and sentimental young woman. They loved
David Bowie and from that night on they got to love
Antonio Pessoa. Lee Roberts had disappeared in the arms
of a tall dutch leather dressed bear, Denise, Valerie
and Antonio went on and on celebrating life the english
way, meaning drinking and drinking, talking and laughing.
By seven in the morning Denise and Valerie were holding
Antonio Pessoa out on the empty street preventing him
from falling stiff drunk down on the sidewalk. They
called a taxi and brought him home with them. While
they slept all day long, something very wrong was going
on over in Prinsengracht. There stands a sleepless woman,
smoking cigarette after cigarette with an explosive
growing anger building up in her guts, body, mind and
soul. Her heart is cold but her feelings are ablaze,
lighted up by burning suspicious jealousy, distrustful
by some definitely queer goings-on. She looks through
the windows glass at the first morning light, shivering
inside, replacing the few pink dreams left by a very
ghostly nightmare. While Antonio Pessoa is sleeping
like a log on the couch of the Herengracht house living
room, Yvonne Smit is packing her things, quietly closing
the entrance door and taking a taxi bound for the Central
Station. From this day onward nothing is going to be
quite the same for the artist and his muse. Destiny
was once again playing his evil tricky cards and the
innocence tree about to loose its roots and ready to
disperse the springtime leaves across the fields of
resentment, bitterness and emotional chaos.
